Last Update: 06 June 2006

Time: 8:47 p.m. EDT
Date: 06 June 2006
Reading: Sarum by Edward Rutherfurd (still)
Hearing: Nearly 5000 iTunes on random
Inspiration: Time

Entry: Strange...

Beautiful music. I know I'm doing what I'm supposed to do when I listen to songs I've collaborated on and get chillbumps. The process may be a slow one, arduous at times, but all is well. At time I feel I'm merely treading water, not moving very much in the forward direction. And though the movement is often imperceptable, I am moving. I am a strong swimmer. I have two named music projects. Both are a fine mix of different styles and genre. Shades of Winter and Protean Mean. I love having an outlet for my creative expression. I'm blessed to have the talents gifted me. I'm blessed moreso having such great friends to play music with and for.

So what news, dear readers. I was promoted at work in May and have now a month of work and a salaried paycheck with regular 8-5 hours five days a week. I have more time to write, read, and compose. I don't always use it to the best of my ability. I've said that I should schedule my evening hours, but we really have so much going on with the house improvement-wise, that we really work any time we aren't tired from work.

The bedroom project is nearly finished. Just over a year, but I can tell you now that there will be nothing better than settling into our entirely new room. Tranquility. Serenity. A place for meditation and magick and the conception of dreams and the realization of love. And no cats! I love 'em, but having slept in their fur for the last year, I will truly enjoy waking up without hairballs of my own. We've begun some cosmetic changes in the bathroom in preparation for an appraisal sometime in July.

The garden is under attack from giant rodents! Rabbits, a pesky groundhog, and even field mice have been nibbling, and descimating our crops! We have to fortify the already existing rodent fence and find some kind of organic/natural pest control/deterent and then hope that what's left of the plants can recover and fruit. They've kept away from the tomatoes and peppers, but the green beans, lettuce and squashes have been razed to their bare stems. If not, we'll have to be villigant next year!

It's funny who pops up on those little friends sites like MySpace and Friendster. This afternoon, someone who was a senior when I was a sophomore in high school sent me a friend request. At first, I didn't recognize her, not that she's really changed that much actually, but it was just so unexpected that I had to do a triple take. She was one of those girls that I didn't really like, though not for any real reason I can remember. We were in choir and musicals together and there were rumors flying about us hating each other. Sometimes you just believe the rumors, even if they are unfounded. I remember thinking she had a lovely alto voice, just husky enough to add appeal to her tomboyish good looks. I envied her long red hair, which was natural. I knew somehow that she was wild, and somehow I was not but longed to be. Was it jealousy? Sadly, I can't remember well enough to really say. I accepted her friend request. Perhaps we can begin again.

Another similar occurance with an old--I don't even know what to call him--friend, I suppose. He and I shared the same larger circle of friends, we were in choir and theatre together, etc., but I don't know that we really knew each other well enough to be called friends. After high school we write letters for a while, and sparked...something...but I'm still uncertain what it really was. He came home for X-Mas from college and we went on a date. He humored me on a whim and gifted me a ring without meaning. We never saw each other again. I still have the ring, never-worn. It's funny the process of recall, especially through the opaque veil of time. Perhaps that is a topic for the next few updates, those souls that haunt me in some way and my memories of them. They don't have to be terrible and tragic endings, nor must they be tales of heartache (though I imagine many of them will be these), but I will tell the tale where our lives overlapped for a time, however brief or lengthy. It's good to remember in writing sometimes.

I hope you'll give these stories your time.

Time: 8:30 a.m. EDT
Date: 17 April 2006
Reading: Sarum by Edward Rutherfurd
Hearing: Mark II by Sorten Muld
Inspiration: Convictions

Entry: Music and Girls' Night and Weekend Update

James and I met on Wednesday night to rehearse and play through our thirteen songs. At first, I found it hard to believe that we actually had thirteen songs, and truly we don't. We have five completed songs, with lyrics and melody and music, and eight pieces of music that I am scheduled to write lyrics and melodies to, or adapt James' lyrics to a melody, etc. All played, minus the minute long "Insurrection," we have just over an hour of music. That's not bad. We addressed the concerns I mentioned in the last entry about having some stress related to my lyrical work for the project. He's not "pissed," which I didn't think he was, but he understands the situation and is being patient. That's good. I think once the regimented schedule begins next week, things should get done on a timeline more satisfactory to both of us.

Thursday night, the night of the full moon, my pagan sisters and I got together to celebrate the fruits of the earth. Our vegetarian fare was made heartier by the cancellation of a fourth who made her excuses via telephone, and we had enough wine for four and drank all but one bottle (a Spanish white that yet chills in their refrigerator for next time...). The absence of the fourth led to some discussion, somewhat impassioned by not only my convictions but also lots of wine, of extending the hand only to have it bitten, but how that should not deter one from extending it as many more times as it takes to receive affection (or in this case, acceptance). I refuse to give up on people. I have a strong conviction towards this having been "given up" on quite recently. It doesn't feel very nice, though for some, and especially when no deep connections have been established, it is the easy way out of having to be pleasant in the early stages of acquaintance. I can understand the tendency to not desire social interaction, or even the possibility of making new friends. But I think often that these are habits of those people who feel they have something to hide, be they insecurities or whatever else. Otherwise, they are motivated by the speculation that one will discover something about the other group that they are not ready to know. This could be something as ridiculous as finding out that the girls aren't all bad, and that would then ruin the ability not to like them. But I digress. I do not know the fourths situation, or even her reasons for declining. I do know that she might not feel welcomed and therefore uncomfortable. I don't think that is reason enough to stop trying with her. What's most disappointing though is that I believe she would have enjoyed our political and religious discussion, and all the other things that occur at "Girls Night." All the more reason to extend the invitation again, and again, and again if need be.

Friday and Saturday nights I closed at the store. It was a strange combination of insanely busy and dead slow. The customers shopping for their last minute Easter goods could be compared quite easily to shoppers in the last days before the Christmas holidays, and that is enough of a negative description for me. What is it about Christian religious holidays that send Americans into a consumer frenzy? Who, really, is there to impress with goods and food and other nice things when the holiday boils down to coming nearer to one's God and family? Not to say that I don't like to put up a nice spread when I have guests, but I don't freak out over it being just so like many of the folks in Chapel Hill (and other places too--my father used to do it too). Thankfully, Saturday night was my last day working the retail face of the store. Beginning today, I will be back behind the scenes (where I belong) at the distribution center/warehouse here in Hillsborough. Good news all around as it is within walking distance of my home, provides me with great physical labor/exercise, and includes a hefty pay raise. I'll be learning the ropes for the next two weeks before we go into pre-inventory counting. I'm actually excited!

Saturday morning, we planted some vegetables in the garden after turning the soil by hand and enriching it with composted manure. Tomatoes in five varieties, zucchini, crook-necked squash, hot and sweet peppers and more herbs now fill the east end of the garden. The west end houses the leafy greens planted in early April which are now showing their tender heads. Everything will need a nice fertilization of fish and kelp emulsion, a good weeding, and then we sit and wait for our rewards. There is nothing like eating food you've grown on your own land.

Easter Sunday was spent with Husband's family in church service and then a nice lunch at one of our favorite Asian Bistros in Durham, Pao Lim. Then home for an intense argument between mother and son, before a de-stressing hike in the woods along the Eno River. The wildflowers are up, the trees are flowering and the new leaves are that intense green that makes the woods look like your eyes have a green filter lenses on them. I loved it. Everything is waking up, turtles, lizards, and a wide variety of insects and beetles. Husband, of course, had to investigate everything, scrambling up rock sides and crossing the river where he could. I don't trust my body or else I'd be doing those things too. It was nice to live vicariously through him in those things.

Time: 10:00 p.m. EDT
10 April 2006
Sarum by Edward Ruthurford
Mark II by Sorten Muld
Spring Springing

Entry: And in this Quarter...

More writing in on the agenda. As I archived the last quarter--a whopping two entries--I felt absolutely terrible about wasting the codefor a link. So, I've been toying with the idea of regimenting my free time. Seriously, setting it up like a school schedule dedicating one to two hours to a project, then moving to another, and so on until it's time for bed, work or another more pressing appointment. I'm frustrated with the fact that I have all these things I want to do and seemingly no time in which to do them. This is simply an illusion, because I have a ton of time, I just don't manage it well. Part of this is due to Husband's new-found "job freedom." He is home most of the time, and we end up doing things together, like working on the house or in the garden, or watching a movie. This is fine; I enjoy doing these things with him. BUT I also enjoy my free time alone, something I've not had enough of in the last month. This time is typically spent reading or updating this webpage, writing or doing spiritual work. These things have become crutial to my ability to deal with reality and the world around me, as well as my interior world. My brain is always "on," always working away at something and if I don't have the opportunity to sit down and focus on the process and the items beign revealed to me, I feel scattered. So, regimenting my time seems like the only way this will occur. I'm hoping that an advancment in my work life will aid in this focusing process. By keeping a regular schedule, 8-5, M-F, will give the illusion of opening up my schedule and freeing up bigger blocks of time in the evening. Now that it's spring, and we've entered EDT, I'll not feel like the day has been wasted inside the dark and cavernous warehouse, and without the soul-sucking customers who frequent my current location in the company, I may return home from work revitalized and ready to face my personal and social lives. One can hope, certainly.

This week is the full moon. I'm excited to be visiting my pagan girlfriends for our too infrequent "girls' night." What goes on during these minor gatherings, you inquire? Roasting of flesh and skyclad rites? Nay, disillusioned ones. We gossip, bitch about how our jobs suck, grumble about politics, drink some wine, gnosh, ponder upon our romantic lives, and laugh loud and long. It is the ultimate vent/kvetch/bitch/decompression and we always deepen our sisterhood by the end of the evening. (Coming from a girl who doesn't much like "girls," and who has very few friends--mostly by choice, mind you--this experience with like-minded women is exhilirating and rejuvinating.) I can't wait!

Especially when in the last two months, March and what there's been of April thus far, have been stubborn and somewhat difficult to stomach. Most everyone I know has had a stumble or a rough time of the month in general. Were I better at reading charts, I'd investigate the heavens and see just what is making this happen. Since I'm not, I've decided to ask another dear friend to assist me with this. She noticed too that something celestial must be awry, and I hope she finds an answer. I feel as though I'm working a lot with warding and protection energies, somewhat unlikely for this time of year.

Other updating: Three types of lettuce, two varieties of spinach, mesculn, field greens, and beets have been showing their leafy heads in our garden. Lemon balm, rosemary, three types of mint, sage and, surprisingly, chives are all herbs that over-wintered. Home Depot had received their first shipment of vegetables and soon the weekend will come when these small green children shall be adopted by us and given roots in freshly tilled and organicaly enriched soil. Tomatoes, hot and sweet peppers, bush beans, summer squashes, melons and cucumbers shall all grace our larder by midsummer. There is nothing like eating from your own garden--everything tastes so much better.

The wedding webpage is under construction, but some photos from the reception cameras have been uploaded. For those of you who couldn't
attend, or who just want to remember what 70 strangers dressed in medieval garb looks like, follow this link. Enjoy, and there is more to come.

I have two music projects in the works. In order of appearance, Shades of Winter, an acoustic folk-rock project with my good friend Don de Leaumont, played it's first "teaser-trailer" gig at Pheasant Creek Coffeehouse in Apex, NC on 25 February 2006. We played two original tunes to an attentive audience of about 50% friends, 50% strangers. It felt good to be back on stage, and I enjoyed the intimacy of the venue so much. We hope to play there again soon before summer, but until then, you can check out samples of our music, photos and a short biography on My Space Music.

The second, yet unnamed, is a collaboration with my friend James, musical soul brother. We have been writing for the most part, though that has been slow going. I can only make excuses: the season is not my best for writing, I've got a lot on my plate what with Husband's unemployment and my search for advancement, as well as all the time I spend on dwelling on why I feel I don't have time for other things. What we have is very good; I'm quite satisfied with it. I don't feel he is thought, and that is a stressor for me. Again, I hope the new position will shift my focus back to music and other creative endeavors and leave me ready for those endeavors.

We recently went to Philly on a trip assisting some friends in their relocation. It was basically a free vacation, minus the actual labor of moving them in, and a nice walking tour of the city complete with some good sightseeing and good eats. We'll be back to visit soon. Thought cities aren't my favorite place to be--the overcrowding and general clausterphobia of being surrounded by millions of people--culturally, I enjoy the variety they have to offer. I love being in the city, but I hate driving them. I enjoy all there is to do and see in the city, I just don't like crowds of people or the feeling that the whole thing is going to collapse on me. New York would be great if I were the only one there. Philly too, except I really liked "The Gayborhood," that and those folks can most definately stay!

So, I hope that made up for three months of no news. Somehow, I doubt it, but rest assured that there is more to come with the regimenting of my free time. See you soon!

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