Surrounding Guilt and Pain

Jennifer Paige©1994

Cold dampness chills me to the marrow of my bones

Depression, dark and oozing, seeps between the cracks

            Shrieking its murderous cry

            Out-yelling the wind

I shrink back into my corner of dusty cobwebs that

            Cling and stick

I cover my ears, shielding them from the hellish sounds

            Still they come

They push through my hands and squirming between my fingers

Turning my stomach and bringing up bile and an acrid scent

            That lingers

Sticking to my throat like the cobwebs in the darkness

The midnight animal on the prowl

He stalks me slowly, methodically

I feel his searing breath against my cool skin

His tongue, so rough and unfeeling, trails along my face and neck

            Followed by his razor teeth which slice my pallid skin

I see the blood, darker than the darkness

Surrounding guilt and pain

His paws like meat-hooks claw and scratch

At the scars they left last time

            He came

Stretching and ripping my tender flesh and spilling his

            Beast seed

Inside, outside, every direction

            Sticky—

Burning my skin

Taking the light away he gave me at birth

Grinding the purple spade against me

            With tears in my eyes

            And screams on my lips

            Unshed

As the concrete and dirt chafe my back

            Harder

The beast rips and tears

Growling and groaning his pleasure with satisfaction

There is a hell

            Surrounding guilt and pain

Hollow and brittle as the beast walks away

Chuckling as he fixes his belt

No one knows of this terrible place

Where the cobwebs feel like silk against my skin

            Slowly retreating

            Midnight

Eases away

Leaving only the guilt and pain

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