Songs 2000

Having moved away from Colorado, I had no one to write with, no crutch as it were.   I was always better at lyrics than at music because of my undeveloped skill in guitar and piano.  My voice and my poetry was always my strong suit.  But now I had no one to depend on for those things except myself and some occasional input from my boyfriend.   Ostara(Spring) was my first attempt of this new phase.  Spring is always an active time for me.  Energies seem to jump out, screaming to be seen and utilized.   After the glum winter, I was anxious for them, I craved them.  This area is full of flowering trees; a fruitful land and hopefully a fruitful time in my creative life.  Here's to replenishment and rebirth.  Here is to the Mother of all Life, Mother Earth.

So I began taking guitar lessons.  It was then that I realized that I have far too many "nice" songs.  I thought, what better time then spring for doing a little spring cleaning?  Indeed.  Small has been nearly three years in the making, the story just sitting there fermenting in my mind.  It is so freeing to finally get it out, so good to know this song  I know that I've dealt with it, and I can move on!

Something happened to me a long time ago that I haven't been able to put to music.   I have written reams about it and had plenty of fodder for lyrics, I guess I felt that it wasn't ready for music yet.  Goodbye Grove is about things I lost, then found again much later.  It is about learning to forgive, and free yourself from fear and the oppression of being a victim.  It is also for the faeries who teach me every day and show me the beauty in my life.  I have not forgotten.  WARNING: This song may trigger.

Joe...what else can I say except that I love him.  He's brilliant and I am so lucky to have him as a part of my life.  He is my Anam Cara, my "soul friend" as the Irish would say.  I would still do anything to see him happy, he deserves it more than anyone I know.  I pray in the years to come that our friendship only gets stronger and more satisfying and that we continue to share our artistic, creative, and emotional endeavors with the other, ever continuing to be a powerful force in each other's lives.  May all love and joy find you, my friend.  The Storm is yours.

The cycle of the seasons touch us all.  Sometimes, in the winter, you can hear her weeping, calling down the snows of her sorrow.  But in the spring, every living thing bursting with new life, all is love and laughter.  The fulfillment of Demeter's reunion with Persephone spread through the land, a feast and harvest of love, tangible to us mortals, providing nourishment for our bodies and our souls.  This is our divinity, our connection to the Creator, the life force.  It is beautiful and humbling, and amazing.  We are blessed!

This auto-biographical piece inspired me to write something like a memoir of my youth.   I have had many things happen to me that have jaded me and many that have made me appreciate who I was and who I am becoming.  The Songbird showcases only one side of the story of my music, my side of the story.   And even in that, things aren't always as they seem.  I made a fool of myself more often than not, I have not always been so wise or so noble.  But I think these events made me more so, and so I cherish them as any other.  To the voices yet unheard...

Learning to Live seems a bit wordy, but the sentiment and introspection is characteristic of my work at this time. It isn't my favorite, nor to I play it very frequently, but the lyrics should be represented nonetheless.    

This is the first time (I feel) that I have successfully converted a poem into a song.   I'm sure it being about a subject/relationship that has always had a pull on my words helped innovate these two creative efforts.  Crickets has musical flavors of Tori Amos in the chorus and some of the vocalizations, which I think is a good thing.  I also tried experimenting with making the guitar carry the high lament of the cricket symphony.  This song is for Adam.  I still remember parts of that last night he was here with a clarity that I have for very few memories so far gone.  Sometimes, they are so vivid that I am there, reliving that good-bye; it felt like years when I was living it, like molasses.  In reality, it took less than ten minutes.  Amazing how six months can be summed up in so short an amount of time.   I miss him always.

This song was taken from a freewrite in my journal.  Sometimes I will accumulate a string of phrases that are too good to sit on the pages.  This one somehow managed to manifest itself in the form of Belong.  Equality has been something I have been thinking about, humanity is sorely lacking the pure idea of it.  Everything in the circle belongs, all race, all creed, all faith, all love.   None is any better than the others.  Understanding that is the key to the enjoyment of life and the eternal wisdom eluding us; we are one.

I think everyone has had a co-dependent relationship to some extent.  Human nature and society and culture designs us to need each other, whether we like it or not.   Everyone is individual, and that individual diversity should be celebrated, not oppressed/repressed.  Co-Dependency was written for those who have the extreme, those who have become slaves to themselves and to their lovers.  You are not alone.  You own yourself.  Let it go--let them go.

My second song for Zac and my first "pop" song.  That isn't necessarily good or bad, but I didn't like it at first.  It is growing on me.  I think it sounds like a Pretenders song, though not intentionally.  It's powerful and sappy, but it's all true.  Maybe that's why I like Love Song the more I play it. 

This song is for my friends.  I recently re-established contact with two of the most important people from my past, Marisa and Delta.  To my relief, things went smoothly and we picked up right where we left off.  I was afraid it wouldn't happen that way, that our brief connection would just be to say farewell again.  I was elated!  I have my friends, my Happiness, back for good.

Hanging Up the Dream was taken from a poem of the same name written by my friend Joe.  I told him when I first read it that it would make great lyrics.  I just needed the right music.  And even though the poem was originally written about me (I think) I believe I've made it into something that everyone can relate to.  It is a very popular story, unfortunately.  Another sad song.

I Think It's You is such a fun song!  I enjoyed writing it and enjoy performing it too.  It is sort of an illumination of my inner conflicts.  Independence versus domestication, freedom or chains, loneliness or love...It is really my decision between fame and obscurity, music or writing.  I still don't know what I'll choose, maybe I can do both.  Dilemmas are the awareness of life.

Sometimes I think about the state of the world, I see pictures and read newspapers and view news programs and all I want to do is scream.  I know I don't do as much as I could, no one really does, but every little bit helps.  I can only hope that this sparks some awareness, kindles some flames, ignites motivation to do something more than we do everyday, but also to make that a part of everyday.  Today is all the time we have to make tomorrow better.

There was a time in my not too recent past where I was terribly reckless.  I re-visited some places that I had thought myself over, I even joined a cult.  Of course, there was a guy...Thinking about him made me pen the song Bearer.   I wonder what he is doing sometimes, where he is getting himself in trouble, running from the law, contracting and sharing the gods know what with others blinded by his charisma.  I wondered, too, if I could be one of those girls...

The Occurrence at DePoe Bay (Devil's Punchbowl) was written on a whim.   I wanted a folk song, a story song and the idea just came to me.  It took three revisions with assistance and encouragement from my guitar instructor and friend, but the song finally came to this point in it's completion.  It isn't yet finished, as I have to visit DePoe Bay before the title can be finalized.  But here it is, in all its mad glory, the harpy on the cliffs calling the enraptured sailors towards the jagged shoreline.

Full of Medieval richness and theme, Another Ring represents the cycles of love.  The love is a tree, influenced by its surroundings, but only to a point.  The only proof is the ring, the memory of things past made manifest in the flesh, a scar.  We all have rings, some darker or thicker than others, but all relevant.  The music accompanying the lyrics has a decidedly Loreena McKennit feel about it.

I thought about those lost, those most precious people whom I have seeming misplaced in my travels and the over the course of my life.  It is a love song, as I love those people very dearly and intensely, to the point of pain.  I ache without them, in some degree.  I have wanted to mend fences for so long, to re-discover these lost souls that are still attached to me, so far away.  They often seem unattainable to me.  But I will reach, I will try, I will grab their hands and kiss them warmly, opening my heart and theirs in a new beginning.  You Stop the Sands is the song I will sing.

Self-doubt and pondering too much upon the possibilities as opposed to just doing it was another theme in 2000. On the Tightrope represents these thoughts at the turning of the year, written in an attempt to give these thoughts a positive upturn.

Balance.  It is something that presents itself daily, and yet we seem to miss it.  We complain about pain and illness, but would we not know those things without having known bliss and health?   We take for granted the gifts we are given, in whatever form.  We don't see the lessons to be learned until much later, if at all.  Open your eyes and see the weights and measures in daily life.  It is humbling.

Happiness and my search for it is a key theme in this song.  Also, I take into account how rampant that feeling of emptiness is in the world today, how everything seems to lead to destruction, our defeat.  The End is a song about hope, about knowing a place exists somewhere were peace and love are flowing like a river, and all we must do is ask permission to enter.  I believe this place exists in ourselves, that all we must do is forgive ourselves whatever crimes we may think we've committed and ask for entry.  There, there is peace until we end.

This years Olympic Games had a decidedly bittersweet taste for me.   Certainly, I enjoy watching sports competitions on this level, but there was an attitude at these games that was rather disturbing.  It made its presence known in the form of taunts and personal accusations from many of the American competitors.   There were little victories, huge personal triumphs, but they were rolled over by the fact that many had personal vendettas.  Such is the American media.  Such, perhaps, is The Olympic Spirit.

Footsteps Follow is for Eric.  His story had such a lyrical pull on me, such a pull for a social commentary, that I could not resist.  He inspires me every day; his struggle parallels mine.   It shames me that our society, our "advanced" culture, can still claim such in light of the way it treats its people.  Where is the love of community, the faith in others?  Are we so disillusioned by our television set that we see everything inside its own compartmentalized 27" box, complete with remote so that when things get uncomfortable we can switch the channel?  What a sad, sorry state to be in.  Throw it all away, the t.v. set, the institutions, the procedure, the logical order...let your heart guide you, and listen.  Don't judge lest ye be judged.   Love unconditionally and you will know freedom.  Spread your wings, and you will fly.

Finally, another song for Eric. He's truly changed my life, and I don't know what I'm capable of writing in verse that will equate to the depth of emotion and gratitude I have for him, but Only Air I Need (Breathe) is an attempt to say as much. I once thought that I would serenade him at work with this song, but it never happened. Now that he has made me his wife, it seems a little dated to do so.

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